


a ticking heart that yearns

by lover_of_blue_roses



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Android AU, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Existential Crisis, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, android!brian, brian may centeric, but the boys love him okay, eventual comfort i swear, existential crisis about death, fears of 'death', fears of being replaced, fears of being shut down, if you cant find a human guitarist just buy a robot instead, we love brian in his household
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 08:07:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23968114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lover_of_blue_roses/pseuds/lover_of_blue_roses
Summary: The android known as Brian May has served as Queen's guitarists for many decades now and grows old and obsolete. He understands that his time must be coming to an end, and as he should not have emotions he has nothing to fear from his end... from his 'death.'
Relationships: Brian May & Roger Taylor, preslash if you want
Comments: 22
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [ActualBlanketGoblin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ActualBlanketGoblin/pseuds/ActualBlanketGoblin) first brainstormed this au with many of us fellow writers in the server

Really it was a wonder that Brian had lasted this long, he'd already been second hand when he'd been repurposed by Tim and Roger to be their missing piece of Smile. They felt he was a good investment that would cost them less than splitting their gigs with some third person.

This might have made sense had Smile not quickly fallen apart. Then, Freddie who had always wanted in with Smile as their keyboardist and vocalist, had joined up with them and rebranded them Queen. And as Queen's guitarist although Brian assured them it was a poor financial decision Roger and Freddie, ended up giving him a 'wage.' He didn't need money because he didn't need anything, not even the clothes that Freddie assured him made him look fashionable and appropriately 'glam rock.' And then they chose a bassist basically just for him. They'd say it was because he was a good enough bassist that fit with their group dynamic but so had others- Brian knew it was because this John Deacon was an electrical engineer. 

Deacon had turned out to be great, not only at his instrument or at songwriting but also at fixing Brian as needed. But now Brian knew he was simply too old for even Deaky to fix. While he'd transferred and recopied his oldest memories, many of the files were corrupted. He could do nothing as he lost what seemed to be the only part of himself that went beyond just his code. Over the years John had had to replace more and more of his parts, parts they now no longer made. 

He was outdated technology and no longer useful compare to other newer models. That's why he knew he had to be replaced. He wasn't- He hadn't been programmed with emotions, or at least he wasn't supposed to be. He's not sure if he's grown beyond his code because of how his boys treated him or if he had the potential all along as a factor of who he was, but he now felt he had just as much emotion as any person of flesh and blood. Just because he knew he was nothing more than property, now old and useless worthy only of replacement, didn't stop the terrible feelings that seem to drown him. 

He couldn't help but think of all the things he'd not get to enjoy again. Playing for the crowds, the love of the fans, the way it felt when he braced himself against his guitar and just let it flow. But as terrible as all those would be to lose, and it would be terrible Brian doesn't know what he'd do if he wasn't a musician anymore certainly he's too outdated to be repurposed back into an observatory 'droid; worse is the fact that he will never see Deaky or Roger. They were going to deactivate him for the last time and he was never going to open his eyes again. 

It's bad enough they've lost Freddie and Brian is never going to see him again. Androids don't have souls and so even in the off chance there is an afterlife, he's never going to see him again. All he had left of his little Queen family was Roger and Deaky and now he saw- It had been bad enough that Deaky was clearly pulling away, activating Brian less and less often, Brian was powerless to do anything but open his eyes to see more and more grey in his friend's hair, but now this.

Brian had been snooping very intentionally because he knew- he just knew. There was more- something else weighing John down. And so he'd gone looking amidst Deaky's stuff and found it. The plans and partly assembled chassis for a new open-source magnificent android. While Brian was nothing more than metal and circuitry, this new one, Adam- his... his replacement had custom 3D printed parts with every kind of alloy, plastic and even silicon. 

Brian had no other word for what flood his circuitry over the sadness but jealousy. Adam would be so much more capable than Brian in every way. And as if that was not enough, just to rub salt in the wounds Adam was beautiful. He did not have tear ducts to cry nor a heart to break and yet....

This is what comes from snooping he told himself as he returned to his charging dock. He knew this was coming anyways, why is he even so upset? He's just an old broken piece of machinery that needs to be replaced.


	2. Chapter 2

Brian was a machine, nothing more than metal and circuits, so why were his emotions being such a problem? He was made for a task, he can no longer accomplish that task to his previous level of proficiency, thus he understands he must be replaced. And yet... and yet his emotions are so strong he can feel them warping his face, causing an expression as though he is in pain, as though he is hurt. But he's not suppose to have emotions and does his best to hide them.

At least Deaky is clearly preoccupied, he's long since been unable to engage with Brian without being weighed down by his grief for Freddie, but now Adam consumes his thoughts too. But Roger... The drummer has now known him the longest, possibly longer than he even knows himself as his memories continue to become corrupted, and so Roger quickly notices something is wrong with Brian.

Brian is trying his best to not look at Roger, not desperately drink in the features of someone that has meant so much to him for so long before he is deactivated forever, and so stares steadily at the wall. It's a boring white color and the stucco has been poorly laid.

But of course Roger notices, normally Brian's all about eye contact as they engage passionately in discussion. Never has his band mate, his friend, felt more like a machine. First Fred, now Deaky pulling away, and now Brian? For fuck sake! And of course, when he asks, Brian just says it's nothing. It's clearly not nothing.

The last time Brian had been this upset, he'd been damaged on their flight to Australia because despite having bought him a plane ticket like a human person, they had insisted that he could only be stowed away with the luggage. They hadn't noticed the damage at first and so Brian had slowly fried his circuitry as they toured America until he'd stop functioning completely. They'd had to bring him back to London where they'd talk directly to the company that manufactured him, which said he might well not be fixable. Brian had stared down his 'death,' his end, as though he did not fear it, but Roger could tell- The supposedly unemotional robot was terrified.

But as Roger tries and pushes, Brian remains mum. There had always been this barrier between them, this imposition by Brian to separate himself from feelings or attachment and no matter what Roger did, Brian still would never let him in. It had been so many years, so many decades at this point... Maybe it was really never going to happen but Roger refused to ever believe that, to ever give up hope.

"Please Brian, you don't have to tell me your upset or sad if that makes you uncomfortable, but something can still be wrong without emotions being involved."

"Nothing is wrong," And is that not the truth? In fact Brian being replaced is actually a good thing, Queen is such a talented band and he's only holding them back at this point.

"Then why won't you look at me?"

Brian tries to slide his receptors off the wall and to Roger's. Brian hasn't changed on the outside for all that he is outdated but Roger has, wrinkles and sagging skin to say nothing of grey hair and yet those are the very same eyes that first peered at him in 68'. Brian knows that expression in them all too well, it is concern that is crinkling up those eyes. Brian doesn't want that either, Roger should- should have nothing to worry about.

Brian might be old but not to such a point that he can't be quick when put on the spot, the lie comes to him almost easily. "Deaky's plans have me preoccupied for I am unsure how to best transfer my learned skills. My memory banks are full of corruptions, and rather outdated; it might be better if this Adam was to learn by watching and listening to our recordings rather than a direct transfer from me to him."

Roger is silent for a moment, his mouth slowly dropping in surprise as shock plays out on his face. "What?"

Maybe Roger doesn't know. Brian can't help to jump onto the thought like a lifeline. Maybe if Roger feels blindsided by Deaky's action, Brian can convince him of... something. Brian has been thinking it over when he should have been recharging. He understands that he is outdated and that being deactivated is inevitable but maybe... maybe he could be placed in a museum for sometime first... surely some of their fans wouldn't mind to terribly seeing or talking to him, just- maybe he could get just a little while longer.

"Well as I am an old model, ancient by modern robotics standards, my processors and fine motor control is limited. Although things like my battery were easily replaceable with the newer kinds, my memory has repeatedly been transferred to newer and larger drives, there is only so much that can be done, many of files have grown corrupt. Replacing me with a better model would really be b-"

"Stop!" Roger raises a hand and looks at him absolutely horrified. Roger practically jumps over the coffee table separating them to settle himself next to Brian on the couch. The drummer wraps him up in an embrace. Brian has repeatedly told them that as he has so few pressure sensors and no heat sensors there, there's no benefit to him. Although he's certainly willing to provide them comfort should they so need, and so he returns the hug and buries his head in the crook of Roger's neck. He might not have the nerves to sense a hug and yet- he can't say he minds, especially if this might be one of the last times, he can only hope he doesn't lose this memory too.

"I love you so much but for all your smarts, you can be a real fool," Roger states as he separates from the hug only to grab Brian's face. "We are not replacing you. Deaky is not building your replacement. Adam is not your replacement. Because you are not being replaced." Roger stares him down, hoping for the words to sink in. "No one is being replaced."

"But I am-"

"No," Roger interrupts. "You aren't some amplifier that's short-circuited. You are so much more than any other bit or bob of tech, you have a personality, a history because you are a person- a person that is our friend. If we can't tour with you one day, which I doubt because you'll outlast us all, we will still want you." Roger takes a breath, "Freddie said-" his voice breaks and despite the years his tone is full of grief, "He said he wanted his music, our music, to live on- for Queen to live on, to create the next generation of fans and gift them all with that energy that's possible from a live show. And so that's what's what _we_ are going to do."

Roger looks at Brian daring him to question him again but Brian doesn't feel the need to do anything as he continues holding and being held in Roger's embrace.

"And so that's what Adam is going to do for us. But he's not going to replace Freddie, no one could replace Freddie and we are not trying to. The voice technology has just gotten finally good enough for lead vocalists- to do a whole concert," he amends for he has heard the sweet sound of Brian's voice for songs like 39' or Too Much Love Will Kill You. Brian nods faintly, pleased to be considered a fine vocalist even if his 'endurance' makes a whole concert impossible. As much as he loves jamming to the rock ballads with their guitar solos, there's just something about an acoustic and listening to the echo of Love of My Life.

"But we don't know how things will work out with Adam but we'll try- we'll try because we are rockstars and love our music, and Freddie loved our music and only wanted it to go on, and our audience deserves to get us live, and even if it works out with Adam or it doesn't- you will always be a part of this band, you will always be our friend, as you always have been." And with that Roger guides Brian's head back down and hugs him some more.

**Author's Note:**

> As promised payment for Sammy's help with my final paper, a drabble


End file.
